yikes! rumor is that the apparently not gay jake gyllenhaal planned a full day of romantic festivities for him and reese witherspoon, then asked her to marry him. her answer wasn’t yes. pwned. i can’t even imagine what that must’ve felt like.

right. everyone is screaming about jake gyllenhaal dating reese witherspoon after the pair took a private flight into italy and spent every second making out and holding hands. this couple is way too cute. it has to be fake. if brangelina is the power couple jake and reese are the cute one. their babies will look like puppies/pandas/rugged cowboys that totally aren’t gay and only love reese witherspoon and god.

so confusing.  cutie reese witherspoon and homosexual hunk jake gyllenhaal spent all night getting cozy by the fire at a party celebrating rufus wainwright.  this throws heaps of gasoline on the raging fire of speculation about the nature of their relationship. are they barely even friends? is he bisexual? is she? why doesn’t disney make universally appealing programs anymore? no one knows the answer to these important questions.