Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson were married in BC, Canada on the weekend and all I can say is poor, poor Ryan. Sure, right now Scarlett Johansson may one of the hot and sexy girls in Hollywood, but let me tell you that in a couple years those gorgeous melons are gonna sag down to her knees and Ryan will be stuck with a saggy Bilbo Baggins.

That being said, there’s worse things than being married to those boobs. I just haven’t decided whether or not I’m jealous yet, y’know?

wowza! scarlett johansson gave her current boy toy, ryan reynolds, one of her wisdom teeth which she had recently had removed and covered in gold. no word yet on the official reaction, but i assume it went something like this:

Scarlett: I gots you my tooth!

Ryan: sigh…

Scarlett: HURRAY!

Ryan: I… I-I really want to punch you in the face right now.

Scarlett: I AM GOOD AT PRESENTS! YAY!

Ryan: I mean… I can’t do anything with this. it’s pointless, useless, and hints at a little megalomania on your part.

Scarlett: What means ’mean’?

Ryan: Forget it. Let’s have sex.

Scarlett: That is my sole capability.