timely! reports are in that lindsay lohan has dumped riley giles just before having to buy the freeloading tard christmas presents! it seems not long ago when some of us would’ve clapped gleefully at the ex-hotties bachelorette status. now… well… not so much.

oh, how i miss those good ol’ days… clever phrase which relates to magic or harry potter in some way!

excellent role model! dina lohan, mother of the crackhead star who visits rehab more than the washroom, is producing a reality show about how a great a mother she is. i would love to play soccer with this woman,  or basketball, hell, even hockey. we would learn more about each other, and all differences would be solved! three cheers for peace and science!

unexpected! linsay lohan’s new man/douchebag, riley giles, turns out to have been engaged when he met linsay. us magazine has the following statement from the ex fiance’s (bree tierney) mother:

 “Riley just stopped calling Bree and never told her about Lindsay. She found out by seeing photos. It destroyed her.”

holy tamale batman! linsay sure has found her knight in shining armor with this jackass, other than the fact he took her to a bar on their first date, this retard is as close to perfect as they get. is it just me or is linsay lohan getting closer and closer to becoming that crazy old bitch who smells like cigarettes you’ll always see outside the downtown safeway selling brownies and winking at all the boys?

depressing! lindsay lohan has headed off for a five day getaway with her crappy dad, michael lohan.  i have a perfect family so it’s easy for me to harshly judge poor ms.lohan, and so i do hearby decree her to be the saddest little girl that ever did be. sigh. between this and the next story, i really think people shouldn’t be allowed to have babies.

egotastic is giving free lindsay lohan sex scenes! thz is a nice site to us all always.